Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
