This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You smell like a Billy Joel song
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
