This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
