Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
