i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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