Welp...herpes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
