Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I supernannyed him into submission
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
