the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
