the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Houston, we have a blender
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
