I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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