Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
