wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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