just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
