I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
