I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
