It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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