so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
