Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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