I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
