i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
