everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
