very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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