Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
