I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
