Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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