There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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