There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
