Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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