He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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