youre lurking in front of me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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