Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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