At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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