who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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