I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
