that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
