Your dad touched me again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Will exercising make me less horny?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
