i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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