4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
