never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
