Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
