i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
