After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
