bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
