I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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