hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
