I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
