We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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