it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
