i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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