On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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