I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
