even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
