Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
