We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
