I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
