First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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