I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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