I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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