I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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