walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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