doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
