I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
