Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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