fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
