Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
