i permit you to call me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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