You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
