i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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