she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
