I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
