is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
