I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
