i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
