Someone shit on the floor
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
