I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
