meet me or not, i'm out of control
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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