ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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