you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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