Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
