we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
