so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
