I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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