Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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