): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
